Teaching MY Beautiful, Autistic Boy

I've got a lot on my mind.  For one thing, in a few days I will boarding a plane to Vegas and presenting at the TpT Conference.  Excited and nervous doesn't begin to cover it.

But what is most on my mind is about my son, Jack.  I've made the decision to teach him this year.  (I didn't teach my older daughter, although I think it would have been great if I had, I just felt like I was too much of a mommy and not enough of a "teacher"to her.)  

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Jack's coming to first grade and although I have total faith in the teachers at my school, I still feel like it's a better fit for him.  My husband says at the very least  I am buying him another year to grow and mature, to minimize his anxiety and stress, and to just experience it with him.  I agree.  But it doesn't mean I am not terrified.

Jack is on the spectrum (high functioning...and in my opinion, like what was once Asperger's Syndrome).   You can read about our other struggles {here}

This summer, I have been on Pinterest pinning ideas to my autism board for classroom behaviors and motivation.  I've been speaking each visit I have with his doctor, therapist and my special ed friends about how to handle things.  The major thing I've learned in this whole process is that people, experts, rarely know more than I do.  I don't mean to say I'm as smart as they are, only that there are no "easy answer"...no "solutions" to the problems.  

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I'm reconsidering everything I do in my classroom.  I am trying to decide seat placements and behavior management, reconsidering how much stuff I have on the walls.  I'm buying a sensory seat cushion for him and trying to prepare schedule cards and IF/Then Charts…there's SO much to do.  

Jack has made a lot of progress.
But the other day at his therapist's office, I left the room for some informal testing and was quickly asked to return.  I entered the room to find Jack on the floor, under a blanket, in the fetal position, refusing to come out.  He had only been in the room working on puzzles for a matter of minutes.  Basically he realized he missed a question and shut down.
Why does that bother me?
Because in a month, I won't only be his mom…I will be his teacher.  I will be responsible for his learning, but not just his…16 other students, too. I will somehow have to balance their needs with his.  And trust me, he's needy.   I've always said he was high maintenance…and frankly, he still is.

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I guess my question is, how do you motivate someone with whom praise and positive reinforcement doesn't work?  Jack is not extrinsically motivated AT ALL.  He doesn't give a rip about what you think or if you said he did a good job.  It's almost like he doesn't hear it, he just nods and says "Ok" or "alright" the same way he would if you told him the sky was blue.  His response is like, "ok, but why are you telling me this?"  The usual stuff doesn't work with him…i.e "I like how so and so is doing such and such" and he's completely oblivious that you mean for him to do what they are doing  You have to be explicit with EVERYTHING.    

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I've thought long and hard about it.  I know that the only way to get him motivated is to make it relevant to him.  I have to make it something he wants to do…to make it something that matters to him.  Easier said than done.  

There's only so much you can relate to video games.

He got the Skylander's Game for his 7th birthday last month…he had wanted it for what seemed like forever.  He had spent months watching videos about it, collecting figures for it, talking about it ALL the time.  He finally gets it and beats it in less than a day.  He walked away and hasn't touch Skylanders again.  His interests are obsessive, but sometimes fleeting.  

He took an IQ test at school (without the accommodations I had requested) and scored barely average.  He had already taken an IQ test months before with his therapist and had scored just barely in the gifted range. I'm frustrated by the tests and the discrepancies I see every day.  I KNOW he's smart.  I know he has the capacity to learn, I mean, he knows everything about every video game and Dr Who episode ever made.  But at the same time,  he struggles with everything in the school setting.  He is upside down in his desk, literally head on the floor when you're trying to teach him.  He is anxious and easily frustrated, with little ability to work through it (without a lengthy break).  No amount of praise will motivate him.  

How do I teach him?  How do I get him ready to go into the academic world and manage?  Someone please tell me how I prepare him for the misunderstandings that he is bound to experience? How can I increase his attention and focus toward learning things he has no interest in?

I am so scared I will make it worse.  I'm afraid I will expect too much from him and that by the end of the day, he will be sick of me.  I am scared that all my hair will be gray by the end of the year and that I am not fully prepared for the amount of work and stress I am taking on this year.  I am scared he will hate it.  He already isn't crazy about school,  what if he feels that way about me by the end of the year?

What if I can't reach him or motivate him?   

I know, my husband tells me to stop worrying. And I know my beautiful boy will love me not matter what and that I can't make him "worse"…and that I am being overly critical.  I just worry about those times later in life when he isn't with me.  I want so badly for people to see what I see, this boy with ENORMOUS potential.